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Wednesday, June 29, 2011



OK - sick as a motherfucker this week.  This will *actually* be short.  Two things:

1. If you were a Summer Movie Cave winner in the last two weeks, your stuff will be shipping soon, I promise thee.  Between the Vegas jaunt, work and basically being crippled by my own immune system, I haven't gotten to the post office.  But I will get there, goddamnit.  I will get there.

2. This week, I'm giving away FIVE copies of A SERBIAN FILM.

I love testing myself with "shock" cinema.  Some of it is fun and well-made, but not really "shocking" (HOSTEL).  Some of it doesn't near live up to the hype (CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST).  Some of it kicks you in the parts under your bathing suit to the point where you're impressed but you want nothing to do with it ever again (SALO).  Some of it is hilarious in its very existence (HUMAN CENTIPEDE).

And then there's A SERBIAN FILM, which makes all that other stuff look like Disney shit.  If you haven't read about it, don't do so - to be properly roughed-up by it, going in blank is best.  If you HAVE read about it but haven't seen me, it's worse than anything you can read.  It was the talk of SXSW; it got a Spanish film festival organizer thrown in jail for showing it; you're probably never going to get to see the totally uncut version of it on DVD or Blu-ray.  And it's one of the very few pieces of media of any kind that has actually made me almost physically ill.

The reason I watched in the first place is because I couldn't believe what people were saying: that, despite the imagery and content, this was a good film that actually had meaning and wasn't just shocking for the sake of being shocking.  About an hour in, as some of the worst stuff was going on, I was a believer.  It's not just a good movie, it's an excellent movie, and the point of the film is metaphorical, subtextual and right there on the screen in front of you all at the same time.  In that, it's something of a triumph.  And I'll never watch it again.

A note about this week: you MUST be 18 or older to play.  I'm not taking any chances.  Also, these are Blu-rays of non-US regions, but they DO play on PS3's.  I have heard they will play on almost any Blu-ray player, though a couple of the special features are PAL and will not work.

OK, I'm off to try not to die now.  Good luck this week, and thank you for potentially letting me ruin your life.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011



Yes, OK, this is the Summer MOVIE Cave, and up to this point I've only been giving away movies.  This week, that changes.  Here are the reasons:

1) I own one of what I'm giving away this week, and it's really awesome.  Someone else should be able to bask in just how awesome it is, especially if they're also a fan.  And doubly especially if they're maybe NOT a fan - yet.

2) I'm going to Vegas this weekend.  It was supposed to be for a bachelor party, but that unfortunately was moved to the East Coast, and a two-day trip for me was going to turn into a five-day trip, so I couldn't make it.  Also, they were still going to charge me for the Vegas room I had already booked for one night.  Also, I feel as though giving something away a mere evening before my trip to Vegas provides me with instant karma that I plan to cash in right around the vicinity of the blackjack tables inside the Palms hotel.  Also, I realize that admitting my complete lack of actual altruism probably negates any real karma that might have been earned I had been earnest about such.  Also, fuck off and stop asking questions.

3) LOST is probably my favorite piece of entertainment in the last ten years - film, TV or otherwise.

LOST, to me, seems to be the ultimate experiment in, "We've got an idea here of what we're going to do, but let's throw all this shit against the wall, see what sticks, and if they give us a Season Two, we'll figure it out from there."  And you know what happened?  They did.  And that's what great writers do.  Sure, maybe it ended up being a much bigger monster than they anticipated, and maybe they got overwhelmed at times trying to tie it all together, but ultimately...MAN, did it ever work, at least for me.  And yes, I'm one of the people who loved the last season and especially the last episode.

I can't remember any show in recent history that left me stalking my television in the way that LOST did.  Every week when that logo floated across the screen and the familiar quick-shot score kicked, I was rapt on my couch, stomach full of butterflies.  When it was over, I was positively rabid for it to be the next week already.  And usually yelling something at the top of my lungs.  I think the "NOT PENNY'S BOAT" moment might have left me emotionally crippled for upwards of five hours.  And every week, after I recovered, I scoured the Internet endlessly trying to keep up with the discussions and the reactions and the theories.

And that's the thing...once I really got into it, this ceased to be *just* a TV show.  Working in the industry, peeking behind the curtain...I'm one of those people for whom the magic of it all is occasionally (no pun intended) lost.  You start to watch things as a writer, as a developer, etc.  I never had that problem with LOST.  It totally swept me up and carted me off, and damn if I'm not grateful for it.

This was also a significant show in that it was one I did NOT follow from the beginning; I had to catch up on several seasons of the show via DVD.  I'd never done that before, and honestly truly underestimated how lucky we are to be living in a time where TV shows make it out as acquirable media just a few months after they've had their on-air run.  I hate the idea that I might have had to watch the show WITHOUT having access to the first couple seasons as much as I do the idea of having never been able to watch the show at all.  And as I mentioned in point #1 above...I couldn't be more excited that someone who never gave LOST a chance when it was on the air might potentially win this week, and therefore be exposed to it.  And potentially be as blown away as I was.

Less than a year ago LOST: THE COMPLETE SERIES was released, and holy Christing shit, I couldn't have ordered one any faster than I did.  It comes with, obviously, all the episodes from every season and a whole bunch of behind-the-scenes bonus content encased in a temple-shaped box.  It even has a slew of cool little extras, like the game that Jacob and the Man in Black are often seen playing.  And I want you to have one.

Now a lot of people have done some very polite complaining that I've only been giving away Blu-ray stuff, and so far, they're right.  So this week, I'll be giving away not just one LOST: THE COMPLETE SERIES Box Sets, but TWO - one on Blu-ray, one on DVD.  And I'll be asking a specific, different trivia question for each one.  So that's two trivia questions this week, two chances to walk away with one of the coolest physical media box sets ever created.

Haven't decided if I'll bend the rules a bit and ask LOST-related trivia questions or if I'll stick with film stuff, but either way, there will be some relation.  And either way, Thursday is going to be a hell of a lot of fun.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011



I am the possessor of decidedly less time for "things" these days, so this entry is going to be short.  Not that I think anyone is clamoring for more or even reads this blog, really, know.

According to the terminally awesome Flickchart (WARNING: sign up for that site at your own peril, as you will absolutely toss away dozens of hours on it in the first week), A CLOCKWORK ORANGE is my fifth favorite movie of all time (just behind SHAWSHANK, TOP GUN, THE PRINCESS BRIDE and FIGHT CLUB and just ahead of LOVE ACTUALLY, BOOGIE NIGHTS, SE7EN and THE USUAL SUSPECTS).  That's a relatively accurate Top Ten and a damn accurate Top Five.  And if you'll notice, ORANGE is the oldest movie of the bunch by 15 years.

And here's where I'm going to grind some people and lose others: I just don't care about most of the "classics".  My parents weren't movie buffs by any stretch of the imagination, and I didn't have any older siblings, so there were few people around to expose me to the wonders of pre-1979 cinema.  Thus, I had to seek out my own interests, and those interests usually fell within whatever I could rent at the video store that didn't look like a crappy black and white love story.  I wanted color, I wanted action, I wanted laughs...and when I DID get the chance to see a classic, I generally wasn't impressed.  Though I will admit a certain fondness for THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS.  It's stuck with me to this day.  For every movie like CITIZEN KANE that I eventually saw and loved, there are ten GONE WITH THE WINDs that I can only barely tolerate.

In a couple weeks we'll have a conversation akin to this about "classic" horror films, which I think is the most forgiven genre for shitty films.  For every unbelievably awesome movie like HALLOWEEN or PSYCHO that's actually scary and entertaining the whole way through, you have stuff like TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET that have some really terrifying elements but are overall crap movies.  And that's where I'm going to lose most of you.

Back to the point: it was rare in my preteen/teenage years when an older movie stuck with me, and boy, if there ever was one, A CLOCKWORK ORANGE was it.  I wasn't too much of an angsty kid, but I had my periods of complete loathing assholery, and I very much connected with Alex because he was out doing all the things I could never do but sometimes, in the darkest parts of my mind, really wanted to think about doing.  Thankfully, the closest I ever got to that was hitting lightning bugs with a wiffleball bat, something I still feel guilty about 18 years later.  Anyway, I can credit A CLOCKWORK ORANGE with opening up my mind to "old" films, finally realizing that there were people out there who had been pushing the envelope and weren't just making what amounted to horribly expensive and overacted stage plays.  And it made me explore the catalogue of Stanley Kubrick.  And also, the film just turned 40 years old.  So this week I'm giving away three of these:

From what I understand, if you already have the CLOCKWORK ORANGE Blu-ray(s), there's not a whole lot of new stuff on here.  But it does come with a copy of STANLEY KUBRICK: A LIFE IN PICTURES.  Which is motherfucking awesome, especially if you're a Kubrick fan.  And the steelbook or whatever the hell it's called that encases the discs themselves rocks.

Now I sort of teased that next week I'll be giving away something undeniably wicked, and you'll want to tune in for that.  Trust me.  But have no fear: anyone who wins any of the CLOCKWORK ORANGE discs this week will still be eligible for next week's giveaway.  So make sure to take a shot this week.  If you don't, you might be totally "lost" next week.

Wow, that was just as long as all the other posts.  I'm crap at not being long-winded.

Monday, June 6, 2011


UPDATE: This week's Q: In SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD, what plant is visible on the shoulder of Stephen's shirt when Sex Bob-Omb opens for The Clash at Demonhead?

This week's A: A cactus.  This particular section of the movie also features Brandon Routh, once Superman himself.  Congrats to @droidguy1119 for willing his way to the correct answer!


So basically, any nine year-old could sit here and talk to you about how great SUPERMAN and SUPERMAN II are.  It's a given.  And for most people they're the be-all, end-all of the Superman movie universe.  And that's fine.  They kill.

But let us not forget that SUPERMAN III and SUPERMAN IV exist.  One's an...interesting gamble...and the other is likely the epitome of What the Fuck Were They Thinking? moviemaking asshattrery.

I remember being all geeked to see SUPERMAN III when it came out in theaters, and I walked out of it absolutely feeling like I had been transported to a different planet.  But like a planet where an uncle constantly tries to touch you.  As someone who never read the comics and didn't know too much about Superman's detailed backstory outside of the first two films, there was something I dug about him going back to Smallville.  That, of course, was offset by the at-the-time frightening (and still unsettling) proclivity of the movie to spend a bunch of time with Lana's drunk-ass ex-boyfriend/ex-husband/whatever, Brad.  Imagine my pure terror when Brad showed up in WILLOW a few years later as vagabond warrior Airk.  You don't want to be eight years-old and worry that you're watching a movie in which a bearded, animal skin-cloaked mercenary is going to drunk dial a dwarf from a payphone.  But I digress.

At the time, the Richard Pryor role made no sense to me whatsoever; I was only four, so the computer shit went way over my head.  These days, it seems to make even less sense as a story choice, as do the choices made with the cheap Lex Luthor villain set.  And who wants to see a bestubbled Superman, sloshed (GOD there was a lot of alcohol abuse in this movie), bang a blonde hooker?  But the thing that will always stick out most in my mind is how completely terrified I was by the lesbian sister who turned into a computer monster at the end of the movie.  To this day that still makes me cringe a bit, and not just because it's wholly batshit insane on every conceivable cinematic level.

And then there's SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE.  Two words: Nuclear Man.  A few more words: what the fuck?  Really?  Someone wanted to make this movie?  What the fuck?  Who fucking said yes to this?  How the fuck...?  A few more words: they shot this movie for a reported budget of $17 million.  Almost ten years prior, they spent $55 million on the original film (of course, about 72% of the budget went to food and psychiatrists for Marlon Brando, but at least they were willing to put out).  I can think of few movies where the glaring lack of budget - especially compared to previous entries in a series -  is so obvious.  AND they got Gene Hackman back!  I mean really, they did!  Also: Nuclear Man.  I mean, that really motherfucking happened.  All of this.  It happened.

And now, someone gone and ACTUALLY PUT SUPERMANS III & IV ON GODDAMNED BLU-RAY.  So how can I NOT give it away?

I can't not give it away, so I'm going to.  This week, answer the trivia question correctly FIRST and be the only person to get their own copy of The SUPERMAN Anthology on Blu-ray:

Another note I'd like to make: I *really* enjoyed and am a big fan of SUPERMAN RETURNS.  Is it perfect?  Of course not.  But I thought Routh was a fantastic, natural succession to Reeve and I thought the scope and tone of the movie were ambitious.  A lot of people didn't like, which is fine, but I'm glad it's part of this set and I think it has a lot of worth in the series overall.  Wish Singer would have gotten another shot.

Next week we're going to dial it back just a bit - though I will giving away three awesome Blu-rays - but the week after next...oh man.  I'm giving away something epic.  Maybe the most epic thing I'll give away all summer.  You do not want to miss that shit, I promise you.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


UPDATE: This week's Q: "What is the ORIGINAL TITLE of the 1930 Joseph von Sternberg classic film starring Emil Jannings and Marlene Dietrich?"

This week's A: DER BLAUE ENGEL, a subtle and quite cerebral nod, if I do say so myself, to the lovely Jennifer Lawrence.

Congrats to winners @jasontdavis, @graymartigan and @NonAnamorphic!  Your X-MEN Trilogies will be on their way presently.  Remember: next week, the prize is ONE copy of the SUPERMAN Anthology on Blu-ray.


I just realized that, because of the release schedule, I'm missing a golden opportunity to officially kick off this Movie Cave idiocy now.  So I'm going to rectify that, and on either Thursday or Friday this week I'm going to be giving away not just one but THREE of these:

That, of course, would be the original X-MEN Trilogy Box Set on Blu-ray.

As I wrote last week at some point, I'm unnaturally excited about X-MEN: FIRST CLASS.  So far I've avoided almost all spoilers about the film and only watched one trailer; that was enough to first pique my interest and slowly but surely leave me anxious enough to pee.  And then last week some online critics started running their reactions to the film, and more than one pointed out that the film had undertones of both some of the Bond films and MAD MEN.  After reading that, I couldn't be counted in more, even though I don't know when the hell I'm going to get out to see it.  No matter.  The excitement persists.  Also, I'm not into tall blondes, but I'm pretty sure I would let Jennifer Lawrence touch me in my bathing suit place(s).

I never really read comics growing up; I had a few here and there and specifically remember being really into the first few issues of GHOST RIDER, but my nerd vice back then was collecting sports cards.  In an embarrassing admission that no one is ever to bring up in public, my sports card obsession led to me buying nearly the entire run of Marvel's NFL SUPERPRO which, you know...oh my fucking God, Marvel.

One of the things I DID collect outside the sports world were 1990's Marvel Universe Trading Cards, and they were BADASS.  And because they included just about all of the X-Men with quick bios and some stats, I was a little bit prepared for some coolness going into X-MEN in college in 2000.  And like a lot of the rest of you, I was blown away but what was the first "real" comic book movie.  Except, unlike many of you, I had NO idea what to expect as far as in-depth backstory for some of the characters or the scope of the world that would be created around them.  My most prevalent thought going in was, "Yeah, Patrick Stewart was pretty much who they had to get to play Xavier," based on the one drawing I'd ever seen of the character.  I never actually left the theater after the first viewing - I just burgled my way into the next one.

X2 still holds up as one of, if not THE, best superhero movie ever.  And yes, sure, we can all pretend that X3 didn't happen, though I think it has a couple of legitimately cool things going for it.

I've decided recently that I'm never going to get upset about a comic book movie reboot ever again.  If the comics themselves can spawn several different strains and interpretations, what's the difference if the movies do as well?  Often it's kind of an exciting venture - like seeing what Marc Webb is doing with THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN - and I think FIRST CLASS is no exception.  Maybe it's even good enough to redefine the franchise.  And the cast is unquestionably awesome.  My only qualm with what I've seen so far is that it doesn't appear as though Kevin Bacon gets invisible and sexually assaults anyone.

With that said, I think it'd be wrong not to appreciate the opening salvo on its own merits, so at the end of this week, there will be a movie trivia question lobbed on my Twitter and if three people decide to respond, X-MEN Trilogy on Blu-ray for all.

"Mutants are not the ones mankind should fear."


(NOTE: Haphazardly edited to add a rule for clarification.)

Hi.  I'm Geoff.  I'm a screenwriter.  I'm also locked in a dungeon all summer.  Or, really, that's not totally true - I'm just almost certainly not going to see as many movies as I want or need to this season, and that's tantamount to being tossed into a deep, dark cave and left for dead.  And if you liked that nauseating explanation, I have some more incredibly trite and hyperbolic metaphors to sell you.

In a nutshell, here's what's happening: my brother is a single father currently enlisted in the Air Force.  His specific job training takes place in a specific location that is specifically disinclined to the raising of children.  Thus, while he's out being all he can be for the next couple months, I'm (along with my beautiful and imminently patient girlfriend) taking care of his 14-month-old daughter.  If you know me, you know how hilarious and horrifying this situation is - for me, for the kid, for the human race.  It's a shitshow.  If you don't know me, you'll hopefully understand that this means I have a hell of a lot less time on my hands.

And that makes me sad, because that means I have less time to do one of my favorite things in the world: go to the movies.  Mewling insularly about this recently, I came to the decision that I can either bemoan my temporary circumstance or make the best of it.  And while a couple months of rampant self-loathing and shameful masturbation really SO seem like my cup of tea, I ultimately decided on filling the cup half-full.

I was not kidding about those trite metaphors.

Around Xmas last year I ran a contest on my Twitter (@geofflatulippe) where I gave away a couple copies of GOING THE DISTANCE on DVD (which was released a mere 88 days after it first debuted intheatersohmygodfuckingkillme) by tossing out a trivia question centered around Movies.  It was simple, it was stupid, and it was a lot of fun for me.  And I was stunned how many people paid attention.  And it made me giddier than I can explain to do such an innocuous, insignificant little thing.  So, naturally, I repeated myself, and today I gave away a copy of the gleefully psychotic HUMAN CENTIPEDE on Blu-ray.  And no, thank you for asking, I DON'T have any qualms about stealing from myself again!  So here's my plan:

Once a week this summer, I'm going buy a movie or something movie-related that I love.  Or that I loathe.  Or that I'm still trying to understand.  Or that I haven't seen at all but I've heard good things about.  Or terrible things about.  Or nothing about at all.  Some of these will be small treasures.  Some will be big treasures.  Some will be crap treasures.  Some will be readily available everywhere; some will be items that you've never heard of.  Some will have been around for years, and some will have just been released.  All will be related to thing that I'm transcendently lucky enough to have started making a career out of: movies.

Next week, we're going to start this off officially with a pretty cool (I think) bang: SUPERMAN: The Motion Picture Anthology on Blu-ray.  Where we go from there?  I don't have a fucking clue, and that's half the fun of this little experiment.  I figure I'll discover as much as anyone else along the way while I'm dipping frequently into my own nostalgia.

Just a couple quick rules:

1. Once a week, a movie trivia question of some sort will be asked on my Twitter page (you'll have plenty of warning there and on this blog as to the time and date, which I will attempt to keep as consistent as possible). The first person whose correct answer I ACTUALLY SEE IN MY TWITTER REPLY FEED wins.  We're not rolling with any technicalities here; if I say you won, you won.  Don't like that?  Tough shit.  My contest.

2. Once I've notified you that you've won (which will be done instantly on Twitter), you have 48 hours to DM me whatever mailing address you'd like your prize sent to.  Yes, I definitely promise not to stalk, rape, murder you and defile your corpse.  Yep.  Totally promise.

3. You've gotta be in the US or Canada.  I'm not dealing with any international shipping.  Sorry, Kashmir!

4. This is not a Follower grab, so you don't need to Follow me to join in, you need only have a Twitter account and pay attention on the day.  Or you can Follow me and UnFollow me.  It's up to you.  I really don't mind either way.

5. This one's on the honor system: if you already own the item I'm giving away, don't want it or don't live where I'm willing to ship it, please don't answer the question.  Prithee, I beg.  The point here is for someone who loves movies to get something they don't have and that they're truly excited about.  It's like the last altruistic thing I'll ever do with my life.  Let's not be dicks about it, yes?

Penultimately, a disclaimer: I have no vested interest in this other than to have some fun and to give away some cool shit.  I am not being sponsored in this endeavor and have no connections to any business interests.  Unless otherwise noted for some odd reason that I can't fathom at the moment, all the stuff I give away will not be stuff I've been given as a freebie or anything that I've accepted as a promotional item.  I'll pay for the shipping too.  Everything will arrive in new and unopened condition unless otherwise stated.  That's it.  No gimmicks, no fine print, just hopefully something a bunch of us can have a good time with for ten minutes once a week.

Lastly, a quick note that underscores the spirit of this idea:

Having already decided to set this up earlier in the day, I went tonight to see only my second movie since 1 April: Terrence Malick's TREE OF LIFE.  It blew my mind.  I loved it instantly and completely, even though I have to admit to barely understanding half of it, if that much.  It was a movie that I FELT more than anything else, and it was a pure cinematic experience, certainly my favorite of the year so far.  It was doubly gratifying to have had the experience knowing that I'm not going to get out for another one anytime soon.  And it made me even more excited to do this.  A big chunk of loving movies is the joy of sharing the experience with others, and tonight I thought about all the people that might not get to see TREE OF LIFE if it's never given a significant wide release.  And I thought that maybe there's a chance that this summer, I can secondhandedly introduce someone to their own TREE OF LIFE.  And that thought gave me a huge boner.

So if you have any interest, Follow my Twitter and check back on this blog every week; I'll reveal what I'll be giving away and what I love/intrigues me about it.

And when you're at the movies this summer and the lights finally go down, remember your old pal Geoff, who's probably huddled in a sunless corner of his Los Angeles apartment, shamefully masturbating onto a Winner's corpse really happy that if it's not him, it's you.